i am at the end. i just can’t deal . i can’t do this. i am not strong enough to handle all of this stuff. i just can’t and nobody understands. the hugs and “it’s gonna be okays” mean something for the moment. they put a temporary smile on my face, but i need this to be fixed. i need my life to be back at its highest point. i need the love i had before. i need the help and support. i need somebody to tell me i’ma really be okay. i’ma make it through it all. i need God. i need him to answer my prayers. i love God and i am a strong believer, but as many times as i’ve gotten on my needs to ask for his help, it’s like he’s not hearing me. it’s like he’s trying to test me, but God, I need you to stop please because i can’t do it. I know you’re trying to make me strong like you, but i don’t know how long i can take this. i know you are able, i know you can do anything. just please help me now. don’t put me in front of the others who are more in need, you know my situation, but help me. i wanna smile like i use to. i wanna laugh at stuff that’s not even funny like i once did before. i wanna be lexi. i wanna be happy.
i want to be myself again. i’ma keep holding on and being strong cause i know God doesn’t put you through anything you can’t handle. he doesn’t. he is just making me better and in the end, i believe one day i will be the strong person he’d like for me to be.
so i tried to upload my snippet for the song stuck in my head , but it won”t let me put up the one i edited , just the one with that horrible ending . lol. so if you got a chance to see that onee, sorry . lol . the beginning was good though , :)
i wish i could write poetry. i have emotions to show, but i wanna express them in a way that nobody would understand but me. i mean who wants everybody in their business. i could write poetry and say everything i feel in just a couple of lines and people would be confused. i think poetry and writing would help me. guess i needa start practicing :)